15 July 2011

Loss & Surrender


Loss:

At my age i really haven't lost that much.  I think about my mother, who, by the time she was 30 had lost both parents and two precious children.  I am 48.  I have never experienced the heart-wrenching loss of a child.  Yet there are still some losses that i feel deeply.
  • my dream of living again in the Pacific Northwest ~ we moved to Texas 14 years ago, thinking it would be for a year or two; when we bought our house here 10 years ago i felt like a little piece of my heart broke away, realizing that we may never move back.
  • the baby years ~ my youngest is 9; i would have loved to have more, but never did.
  • my daddy ~ we discovered he had cancer a few months after our youngest was born; he died when she was 6 months old.  i was very close to him.
  • being a full-time-stay-at-home-mama ~ i have been working, off & on, first full-time & now part-time since 2004.
  • my mom, who is still alive, but in a very advanced stage of Alzheimer's and living 2000+ miles away ~ i was not as close to her as i was to my dad, but we loved each other.
  • my oldest & dearest friend ~ she died suddenly a month ago; we had been friends for more than 30 years, but i hadn't actually talked with her in a couple of years
 As i said, i feel these losses deeply.  The death of my friend seemed to bring all these others to the surface, making this is a very timely topic for me, since it has been much on my m ind.

God has laid this song on my heart as i struggle to let go:

    5 comments:

    Leebird said...

    It appears that you HAVE suffered your share of loss. Praying God works in your heart to help you sort it all out in your heart.

    alittlebitograce said...

    Thank you for sharing that beautiful song. Surrender is definitely what I struggle with.

    Leebird said...

    It appears that you HAVE suffered your share of loss. Praying God works in your heart to help you sort it all out in your heart.

    Adrienne said...

    Psalm 131
    My heart is not proud, LORD,
    my eyes are not haughty;
    I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
    But I have calmed and quieted
    myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother;
    like a weaned child I am content.

    Israel, put your hope in the LORD
    both now and forevermore.


    this is one of my go to surrender scriptures...allowing God to concern himself with his jobs, leaving me the heart and life space to devote myself to my tasks. funny how many things there are that God wants to do FOR us that we fight to control/take over. Especially when thigs aren't as we want (even feel we need) them to be. NEVER alone in your highs or lows...He's holding on tight!

    LindaFaye said...

    Wow. Losing a parent to mental illness sounds terrifying to me. I am struggling with a friend falling into mental problems and it's tearing out my heart. Wow.