26 August 2008

In the interest of honest blogging

A blogfriend posted about pointlessness and failing at what matters most and about whitewashing it all and putting on a happy facehere in blogland (my very rough paraphrase.)

The relative anonymity of the internet makes it easier to be who I wish I was rather than who I actually am.  Like her, I fear that if you saw the real me, then you would probably not want me on your friends' list.  Unlike her, I am not on very many people's friends' lists anyway. 

I do cling to the fact that God's mercies are new every morning.  And when I get really overwhelmed and discouraged it usually helps me to read the book of Ecclesiastes.

So, as my title states...

(You have been warned!)

My house is beyond messy. no. seriously. I could be on Oprah, getting her shocked looks as the tape rolls and she queries, "But how can you let your children live like this?!"  The upstairs hall is strewn with dirty laundry, the trash in all 3 bathrooms is overflowing, there are dirty dishes stashed in my oven and moldy ones in my fridge, and so on.  This is the worst it has been in a while, but it has been this bad for a few months now, and normal really isn't much better.

I'm lazy; which explains why my house is this bad after two weeks of no lessons, during which my first priority was to declutter, clean, and organize.

I waste far too much time at the computer (without actually creating anything like blog posts or menus, etc.) and in front of the television (which i don't even really enjoy.)

I feel guilty for my laziness and time-wastiness, but instead of working at changing i generally take it out on the ones i supposedly love.  i grumble.  i yell.  Sometimes i even utter shameful things.

I don't pray for my husband every day. or my kids.

I am the chief of sinners. totally depraved.

I have so much to be grateful for, and yet i complain. a lot. at times i even question God's judgement in saving me.

So there you have it.  No good ~ just the bad and the ugly.

1 comment:

Jes said...

Thanks for the honesty - I have been where you are. Actually right now, I am feeling like the house is out of control - I know what to do, it is the doing that is the problem... Hope you find the umph needed to make your house the home you deserve.